Wait, women don’t like these things? Well I’ll be.

By now you’ve probably seen the video of a woman walking around New York City receiving over 100 catcalls that is making the rounds on the internet, and if you haven’t I’m sure it’ll make its way into your sphere of internet relevancy by the end of the week. Unless, of course, you’re my mother who just recently discovered a “really great song” called What Does the Fox Say? that was added to the jukebox of the local old person bar where she likes to spend her time. Then you’re probably reading about this for the first time right here.

Since most of you aren’t my mother, I’d like to share with you my insight on catcalling (or more accurately referred to as street harassment) and the myriad ways it affects all types of people living in a metropolitan hub. Because it’s such a one-sided phenomenon, arguments from all sides tend span the gamut, with certain demographics presenting completely misguided points.

Women are the victims here. That much is not up for debate. And although women comprise one homogeneous group as far as gender goes, women are by no means all the same. Right? (This is where I’d normally wait for a stupid response if I were having a conversation with someone.) Of course they aren’t. Race, religion, culture, physical attributes, and so on make women a varied and diverse group, much like men. However, there doesn’t seem to be much distinction when it comes to which types of women are subject to street harassment and which are not. There may be varying degrees, but from what I’ve seen and been told all women encounter this type of behavior. And if the problem is widespread shouldn’t we be looking for a solution?

Let me start out by saying I’ve seen this behavior play out on the streets of New York my entire life. It happens all the time and does not ordinarily take on a creativity that might actually prompt someone to stop and respond to such a solicitation. It’s horny dudes hoping to get lucky, doing or saying the first idiotic thing that comes to mind. Seinfeld summed it up pretty well in one of his monologues about using car horns as a dating tool. Except for a few rare occasions, the catcall is wholly unsuccessful. But it continues because men (warning: this is where I may teeter on the edge of sexism) have been ingrained with the ideology that we are expected to make the first move, and in a world like New York City where you have but mere seconds to make that move, if you see a stunning beauty on the street who you can imagine as the future love of your life, all the grace and dignity in the world can’t save a man from blurting out “You’re pretty,” upon passing a female pedestrian. I think it’s really that simple. It doesn’t justify the practice, but I hope it explains it a little from a male’s perspective.

I’m ashamed to admit it, but I’ve catcalled women before. I want to note that it was during my most rambunctious years between the ages of 17 – 23, only happened a handful of times, and was never anywhere near successful, usually in the form of a timid “Hi,” several steps after passing a woman I found attractive. Why did I do it? Probably because I had seen countless men before me do it, and I didn’t see the harm in it. Now that I have a girlfriend who endures this type of harassment on a daily basis, I understand how harmful it actually is.

Which brings me to Michael Che. One of the newest cast members on Saturday Night Live who co-hosts the program’s longest running skit, Weekend Update, made some comments about the catcalling video that many found insensitive. In short, he made light of catcalling comments like “Hi” and “You’re beautiful,” essentially saying they are compliments and women should lighten up. He compared it to people recognizing him on the street and constantly harassing him for autographs and photos. Although I disagree with his comparison in large part because he is a celebrity and public recognition comes with the territory, and in equally large part because he isn’t subject to threatening sexual advances, there is a very, very small takeaway here. New York City is already maligned for being an impersonal city where people want nothing to do with one another. If people are now being told they can’t say hello to one another or wish someone a good day because it’s considered harassment, then where do we draw the line? Maybe it’s best nobody every talks to anyone else ever again. Sure, many “Hellos” said by one stranger to another can really be translated into “Wanna bang?” but not all of them. I have been known to talk to strangers and not because I want to get my rocks off.

Che’s comments indirectly bring up another point about street harassment. It’s not exclusively sexist. It can also be racist, classist, homophobic, and stereotypical. (Now we’re all having fun!) An article in Brooklyn Magazine argues that having a white woman as the focus of the catcalling video doesn’t properly address the problem or do justice for all of those who experience this form of harassment. It’s bigger than a white-woman-can’t-walk-alone-in-bad-neighborhoods problem.

And it is true that street harassment comes in many forms. As mentioned earlier, my girlfriend will routinely be asked to smile more when walking alone, but when we walk down the street together now I’m the one who’s being told that I have a beautiful woman and I should take care of her, or that we’re a beautiful couple and we’ll have beautiful children. Seems like an odd thing for a stranger to tell me. Sometimes when I’m walking alone I’ll be asked by an Orthodox Jew to hop on his mitvah tank for a rousing session of prayer even though I’m not Jewish. Occasionally I’ll pass an elderly lady or group of ladies who just can’t help but tell me how handsome I am. (Shout out to Ethel.)

Point I’m trying to make is that it’s not an everyday thing for me, and I’m a 30-year-old white guy. I don’t endure the same type of verbal abuse as other groups. (Or do I?) I can deal with the rare random compliment or infrequent misplaced stereotype, but if I had to incorporate that into my daily routine I could imagine getting fed up rather quickly. Nobody should be expected to tolerate harassment. It should be up to those doling out the harassment to understand that no, sir, you are not a catch, and also it’s time to grow up. So roll that tongue back up into your mouth, place your protruding eyes back in their sockets, and act like a decent human being. Think you can do that?

Hipster punk or corrupt cop? You decide. Actually, no — I’ll decide for you.

There’s a long list of things I hate about New York, and as a native New Yorker I feel entitled to every single one of these things. In my unofficial top ten portion of said list I would be remiss not to include Williamsburg (and anything associated with it) and subway performers. (I can go into glorious detail about these and other items on the list, but I’ll save that for another post.)

So as luck would have it, I stumbled across a video this past weekend of these two annoying items crammed into one — a hipster doofus performing tired classic rock songs on the Metropolitan station platform. What’s not to hate?This “struggling artist” is “told” by one of New York’s “finest” to to quit the hippy sh*t and pack up. Instead of following orders, our Billyburg friend decides to cite a law that gives him the right to sing “How I Wish You Were Here” on that and every other subway platform he damn well pleases. Take a look.

Here’s the thing: as much as my skin may crawl at the site of another naive transplant thinking he or she is living the true New York lifestyle by performing on dirty subway platforms instead of realizing that their clean and cozy parent’s house in Nebraska is much better option, it’s not what I hate most about the video. It’s the continual abuse of power of New York City cops that I hate. It’s the enormous egos some of these cops have. And it’s the unwavering stubbornness they display, refusing to follow the letter of the law (aka their jobs) if it means taking a hit to their pride.

Now, I grew up around many good people who worked for the NYPD, and in no way do I want to make a blanket statement about every man and women who puts on that uniform everyday and helps keep our city safe. But things are getting out of hand. Cops are killing teenagers in their own home and fathers who are sitting on the street. They’re choking out kids who are smoking cigarettes and pushing pregnant women to the ground. The police are supposed to protect and serve, so why are they doing the opposite?

Earlier this month, NYC’s top cop, Commissioner Bill Bratton, held a press conference to tell the city and the world that he was going to clean the force up and remove “dirty cops.” In fact, in perhaps an homage to Domino’s Pizza’s recent self-loathing marketing campaign, Bratton showed images of some of the high-profile NYPD SNAFUs and promised to eliminate that type of behavior from the force. “The reality is at this moment that there’s some in the organization who shouldn’t be here — not the right fit for the NYPD of 2014,” Bratton said. “There are a few, a very few, in a very large organization who just don’t get it.”

I’m sorry, Mr. Bratton, but it seems that you are the one who doesn’t get it. What makes someone a bad fit for the NYPD in 2014 as opposed to 1995 when you first served as commissioner? Might it have something to do with the ubiquity of social media and the fact that the frequent abuse of power is now more easily documented? Methinks it is. So he’s basically saying to his minions, “Don’t get caught.” Way to lead, Bratton.

So here’s where I have to apologize to Andrew Kalleen, the singing man in skinny jeans and a fedora who only wanted to share with a small corner of Brooklyn his melodic tunes and maybe make a buck or two while he was at it. I may not agree with your lifestyle, but gosh darnit I’ll defend to the death your right to live it. Just don’t expect me to give you any money, look in your general direction, or clap when you’ve finished a killer tune if by some chance we run into each other on an underground subway platform.